Twi-ing very hard to not be Robsessed

Now this is really, and I mean really enough! I’ve had it! What am I ranting about, would you ask? Twilight. There, I’ve said it! Twi-fucking-light.



When the books first came out, way before the movie, I read them, or at least the first one. The story was ok, slightly boring. In short it was chastity porn. With the hype that surrounded the release of Breaking Dawn (the August(?) before the movie) I gave the series the benefit of the doubt, and read it again. It was ok. Stephanie Meyer is no Austen, and never will she be a Man Booker Prize winner for this, but it was a good YA fiction read.




Then some backwater studio from the middle of nowhere got the idea that this would make a good movie. Summit was virtually unknown before this. Their official site lists a full 6 movies available on DVD, with gems such as Sex Drive: Unrated and Cream-filled.



Twilight exploded. Us poor people in the book trade were flooded with requests for “that book the Twilight movie was based on” and inundated with enquiries such as “there is more than one book?!”, “When’s the next movie coming out”, “Why is that book so thick? I’ll never finish it before the fourth movie comes out!”

And here every bookseller’s personal hell began. For more than a year now, the Twilight series has been bestsellers across the world. Very rarely has it actually left the top 10 (certainly in SA). Not a day goes by that people in the book industry do not hear about Stephanie Meyer, Twilight or Edward Cullen.

I saw a Facebook status update of a friend recently that said: “You know you’re obsessed with Twilight when you look at your boyfriend and think: “Sparkle, you bastard! Sparkle!” We have coined terms describing these girls that just absolutely have to own every piece of Twilight merchandise: Twihards. Their Robert Pattinson obsession? Robsession Thos mom’s who just can’t get enough? Twimoms. We gave them their own convention, Twicon and the list goes on. Collectable cards, sure. The director’s notebook? It exists. Posters, stickers, shirts, calendars? Buy now! Do you need a Twilight Book Companion? Movie Companion? For sale now! Rober Pattinson’s Biography? Available.

And then there are the more dubious items.

Hand painted Twilight Shoes and wineglasses that make you look like a vampire? Here.

 

A Edward Cullen Shadow cutout for your wall? Here.

Fake blood. Here

And the best, or worst. A twilight inspired dildo. It sparkles in the sunlight and you can put it in the freezer for that authentic “undead” experience.

There you have it. Ridiculous.

So what's next?

Till next time… Keep it real!