Dear Universe...

So I had the most eventful morning. I woke up, hung over with stomach cramps (which I'm 90% sure is unrelated to the alcohol consumption) and decided to spend the day in bed. Then at 4:29 my phone rings, it's a colleagues wife. He needs a lift because, I kid you not, a drunk guy drove into their gate and then passed out, blocking their exit.

So I drag myself out of bed and was ready to leave by 4:45. Then I get the sms that says "don't worry, got out, take a benelyn day". But I'm already on my way to the car. So I go to work.

Halfway through Pretoria, said colleague calls again. He had a flat on the highway. I think "WTF?" this was 5 to 5. Because I live aan the gatkant of everything, I got to work after him (at 5:30), and decided to do what every miserable sad irish-person-who-was-diddled-by-daddy does, and write about it.

Thank you universe for my inspiration. I could not make this shit up if I was hopped up on smack.

I could most probably make other shit up if I was hopped up on smack, but it would be more gruesome and less funny. Speaking of being hopped up on smack, have you seen the new Olympic mascots for the 2012 Olympic Games in London. I'm sure there were a lot of illegal substances involved in this, or a Japanese guy or 2. Take a look: (Image taken from the Telegraph website...)

Apparently they had 40 focus groups involved in this project. I'm pretty sure they found the people for these focus groups at local Narcotics Anonymous meetings. Seriously WTF?

Pissed off

It is time to talk about one of my biggest pet peeves of all time. Conversations in public toilets. Where in this great big universe does it state that you have to talk to me while I’m pissing? Seriously. There are public toilets all over the place for one reason, and one reason only: To urinate and defecate in peace.

If I want to have a conversation with you, I’ll phone you, or go to your office. I’ll invite you over for coffee. I’m not going to invite you for a piss. In a public toilet I do not care how you are doing? I don’t care “what’s up?” I definitely do not want to discuss the latest office gossip, or even work.

As if it is not uncomfortable enough that you have to watch me while I’m trying to piss, do not dare speak at me. Now, I am painfully aware that this process happens differently for the fairer sex. Apparently, you are able to gossip and piss at the same time. Well in my case, the age old adage is true: God gave men a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time.

I used to have a deep seated fear of public toilets. They absolutely freaked me out. Till about 5 years ago, I refused to use them. I still avoid the dodgy ones as much as possible. Funnily enough, I had absolutely no qualms about using them for other activities, especially during my high school years, when the toilets were the place where I got my hourly nicotine fix. But then again, in high school no one uses the toilets for their intended purpose.

So you might wonder where this random rant came from, and fear not, I will tell you. So I was in the loo at work when Colleague walked in. Now Colleague works on the other side of the building, a place that I rarely go to, except when I go steal sweets from a friends office (more on that later). Of the three urinals, the two on the left were open. So, because Murphy is duly aware of my intense hatred for discussions around the pisser, Colleague would choose the one next to me and proceed to ask me how my day was. Being the poster child for friendliness, I answered him curtly in an attempt to get him placated and have him shut up. But, alas! No such luck. He proceeded to start talking about work, and every so often looking at me, dangerously ruining his posture and with that, his aim.

So I finish up, and turn to the washing basins, and would mister go and turn around as well, completely forgetting what he was busy with. Luckily for me, I was out of the splash zone, but still. It was close! None of this would have happened if Mister Colleague just kept his trap shut and pissed like a normal person.

So this post was born out of almost being pissed on. Universe, take note: The next person to speak to me while I attempt to alleviate the pressure in my bladder, will be pissing through a tube the next time he has to. Be warned.

Why are we allowed to say what we want?

Right, now I'll start treading on toes. Freedom of speech is a ridiculous concept. The whole idea that anyone should be allowed to say whatever they want is absolutely ridiculous. Take that idiot stepfather of Cezanne "Barbie" Visser. He compared adv Barbie to Nelson Mandela. Someone should slap prof Johan Lemmer. 


Yup. you read it correctly. He compared a sex offender to one of the greatest men to ever walk the face of this planet. Now let's give a couple of truths. Mandela was a terrorist. He was arrested for it and spent 27 years in jail. But Mandela is also a freedom fighter. A man that furiously campaigns for equality, freedom and respect. He was labelled a terrorist because his views did not coincide with that of the ruling class. The system did not fail him. To be precise, the system worked perfectly in that time. Now you can argue that the system did fail him after he became president. Even though he tried his best there was just no way that the utopian SA that he visualised was going to happen in just a couple of years.


Adv Barbie on the other hand, diddled a few kiddies, got involved with a despicable specimen of the human race, she was caught and she stood trial, she was found guilty and now she's going to prison. The system did not fail her either. If you argue that she was in an abusive relationship and the system did not help her, well pooy for her. How was the system to know she had problems? Did she go out looking for help? Did she go the police?


So, Johan Lemmer, I don't know where you bought your title, but seriously. Give it back. This brings me back to the topic of freedom of speech. Should we be allowed to say whatever we want, as long as it does not incite hatred or violence towards others? Shouldn't we implement a "License to Speak"? Have it function like a drivers license, if you fuck up, you pay a fine. If you fuck up too often, your license gets revoked and you can suffer in silence. 


This will save us from idiots like professor Johan Lemmer and Julius Malema. We will also get rid of a couple of TV presenters who were inappropriately touched on their studios, as well as the people who touched them. So I say. Let us go out there into the wide world spreading the message of licensed speech. We'll be agents. Bloody agents of change and reason.


We should start a petition. Or march. Or picket outside parliament.

Absent without leave

Aaaand I'm back. Now I know I've taken a bit of a break from this blog thing for a while, but be not afraid, I spent my time well.

The last couple of months have been absolutely hectic.I helped launch that website, you know the one that kept me busy for so long, I started studying again, I finished the studies and then went on a soul searching mission for a month. Now I'm back, and ready to roll. With a very loose grip on who I am in one hand and a firm vision for my future in the other, I'm ready to get back to real life.

I'm hard at work on the manuscript for my first novel, Divine Children - a post apocalyptic fantasy novel, and I'm pretty sure it's going to rock. But then again, all parents think their children are just absolutely amazing and they are usually wrong.

Given the fact that I was out of it for a while, reading also took a bit of a backseat. I did discover a few new authors I think the world should be taking notice of (If you haven't already!)

First off, J. Robert King. READ HIS BOOKS! I started reading The Angel of Death and I was hooked immediately.The story follows the Angel of Death in Chicago who is on the trail of a serial killer. After he falls in love with the investigating cop, he has to make a choice between divinity and humanity - and suffer the consequences. The book is beautifully written drawing you as reader deeper into the story. WARNING: Do not start reading this if you have deadlines - the book is a deadline killer!

Another author everyone should take note of is Paige Nick, funnywoman extraordinaire and author of A Million Miles from Normal. Now I do not regularly venture into the chicklit genre, but I found this book to be funny and engaging. It won't be everyone's cup of tea (five roses or otherwise), but it is a fun read and well worth the Sunday afternoon I spent reading it.

Well, I'm off again. But in the immortal words of a younger and fitter Arnold Schwarzenegger: "I'll be back!"

Elves, faeries, vampires, warlocks, werewolves, angels, demons and the nephilim...

Wow. What a busy week I've had, without even a single chance to share my thoughts with you. But do not fear, you'd definitely be updated by the end of this post!

Let's start off with some information on great opportunities to get hold of some great books and win awesome prizes.

The first is the Exclusivebooks.com pre-order campaign for The Gathering Storm, the new book in the Wheel of Time series. See it here.

The next promotion is the Midnight Feast promotion. Choose from various Twilightesque types of Young Adult fiction and stand a chance to win great prizes. See the details on their here.

I had the opportunity to finish 4 books this week, catching up on much needed reading time. The first three books actually form part of the abovementioned Midnight Feast campaign. So, for those of you who would like to know more...

The Mortal Instrument Series - Cassandra Clare

"A thousand years ago, the Angel Raziel mixed his blood with the blood of men and created the race of the Nephilim. Human-angel hybrids, they walk among us, unseen but ever-present, our invisible protectors.


They call themselves Shadowhunters."

This is by far one of the more entertaining Young Adult reads that I've read this year. Cassandra Clare created a believable, enchanting world with a storyline that grips you from start to finish. Clare developed a rich, well researched mythology incorporating many classic and contemporary myths and legends into a storyline that refuses to let you go.

Into this she introduces characters that are so human, each and every person can identify with them. In this story (all three books) I recognised so many aspects of my own life, I sometimes wondered whether these books were based on my diaries. From unrequited love between best friends, forbidden love between soul mates, anger, hurt, betrayal, true friendship, jealousy and lies, there is bound to be a situation a lot of us can identify with.

The icing on the cake for this series is the witty, sarcastic humour. I often found myself laughing out loud at some of the retorts in the book.

This series is definitely a must read for young and old. A relaxing, gripping tale that definitely leaves you wanting for more.

As for the elves, I'll be back later this week with the next book review for A Darkness Forged in Fire, Chris Evans' debut fantasy novel. An if you're lucky, I'd have finished book 2 in the  Iron Elves trilogy as well.

Keep it real!